The Old World

Hello my Ol' Three Faithful Readers.

I'm going to make some notes about my trip to Prague. Because, if you did not know, right now I find myself in a trip to Prague to "study" Programming for Artificial Intelligence and Computer Animation.... suuuuuure. First and foremost let me tell you something of greater importance: British Coke tastes different than US and Mexican Coke. It appears to be less sweet.

Those of you who know something about me know I live on a diet based on Coke and Doritos. As a programmer I should get my caffeine from coffee; but it so happens I do not like coffee -yet- so I get my fuel from good ol' Coke.

I think I do not like coffee because I like sweet things. Therefore, finding Coke not to be as sweet as I'm used to is... well... disturbing. And yeah, me liking sweet is also a hint for the ladies out there *wink wink nudge nudge*

The next thing that surprised me is that people look exactly like humans on my continent. You know, one head, a pair of legs, five fingers on each hand and so on and so forth. The only noticiable difference is that they intend to communicate with me based on gutural yet elegant noises that I am only left ot believe it is some form of language beyon my comprehension. What do I do, you ask? I cover my nose. Just like that. Smile and turn away.

For your information, I write this from the UK Airpot Hearthrow. I just finished my Coke and intend to walk into a bookstore and find out what this foreign aliens read. Still three hours to departure to Prague.

... *some time passes by as I got to a book store, eat and to the bathroom*...

Say hello to the first European toilet to meet my arse!

Let me tell you, instead of using paper towels to clean your hands adter you wash, they have this rolled up cloth that keeps rolling and rolling. I wonder if they clean it. I know the point is to save trees from extinction, but what if a very sick, depraved and perverted person did naughty things in the toilet? Yes, I am talking about masturbation. And then he rolled on that blue/white cloth to clean his hand off! In which I then clean my hands! I do not know about you, but I preffer a dead tree over my hands being covered in other people's sperm... gee... Europeans sure are open minded.

Just look at this.

Yeah, condom vending machines do exist where I come from. But look closer. Try harder. See the tagline? "Take this on board." It is an open invitation to join the Mile High Club!

I realized then I'm in a foreign country. Have you ever seen those CDs at FYE or BestBuy with an "Import" label on them? Well, they are imported from European countries. Where am I at? Europe. What should I do? Go look for horror movies that:

• Have been releasead as censored/cut versions on the US.
• Will be released as censored/cut versions this year or the next.
• Lion Gate Films is still negotiating the right to release it as a censored/cut version sometime.

And so I did, and I've gotten my hands on some real gems baby. I shall look for more odd foreign movies to take back home. I also bought a book... I'm such a compulsive buyer.

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This is all for the moment. I will write about Satan's Piss and the School in which I'm studying later. Now I shall pretend to put attention in my class.

Burn the client!

Finally I meet a real world client. Yeah, you know the kind; the one that is your "boss" and will pay you for developing a little system. Sure... little... HAH!

Actually, at this very moment I find myself developing, while I dream of World of WarCraft and a Dove. But all is not lost; there is a big arse glass of ice cold Coke on my desk and some Doritos on my side.

There is still hope.

A Pleasure of Life

Hello!

Yes my Ol' Three Faithful Readers, I have not written because I have been absorbed by a non-existant universe called World of WarCraft. It is very funny, because in a way it is like another life, in the sense that you get to pick out professions your character can do which enables you to set up an item/services store for other characters; you can make relationships with other people; you could quest, etc. Basically you can do pretty much what you do in real life. You can even take the clothes off your character and set him to dance with the /dance command.

And yes, you can get paid virtual money for it.

But that is not the point, and even if it were I do not expect you, my Ol' Three Faithful Readers to be interested in the geekyness of that business. I'm here to talk to you about one of the greatest pleasures of life; it is so great it can even be ranked up there with hardcore, rude, kinky, sweaty, undiscriminated sex. I'm talking about diarrhea.

Yes, you read right. Diarrhea is one of the greatest pleasures of life. The more explosive the better. Think about it, it is even a twofold pleasure! You get to enjoy eating all that food; enormous, gigantic and jurassic amounts of tasty, sweet food that can barely fit in your stomach. The bacon, jam, nerds, salad, turkey, cheese, everything! And you enjoy it, you enjoy eating food like a pig, as if there was no tomorrow coming and this was the last time you will eat in your whole existance.

Gluttony may be a sin, but it is one of the most enjoyable (along with lust, hehehe).

And then, after all that: the gurgle in your stomach. You find yourself in the car, driving back home after eating all you could from the buffet by the school; you have to make the best out of those $6.99 you paid! Trying to calm yourself, you think it was not your stomach gurgling, but maybe a bumb in the street... yes, that is right, a bump. *insert nervous laugh* Absent minded you continue to drive a little and come to a stop light. Something moves in your belly, something liquid, something explosive. Urgently you beg the light to turn green, now!

Finally it does, and you step on it. Power to the metal. Friggin' old lady driving at 30 miles per hour; a student driver barely controlling the car; a trucker and the mom taking the car pool of kids to the football game. But alas! You reach home, and the explosive volcano inside of you is not only gurgling but treating with exploding right now, right there and then. You run as fast as you can with your buttocks pressed together as tight as you can to the restroom. Aaaaah, finally, it is there. Salvation.

No! Your sister is inside! It cannot be! Frantically you search for a cork, something to stop the eminent explosion from happening for a while longer. Hand beating down on the door; curses filling the air. It moves again, inside you, the diarrhea is coming to its explosive end at the hallway. Ah, your sister comes out with a thousand word stare in her eyes. You enter the restroom, and as you are taking your pants down you can feel the monster inside yell: "LET ME OUT NOW!" By the gods! The zipper got stuck! Hold it, hold it! Press tighter! There, it's fixed, pull the underwear down and just as your behind cheeks touch the dead, ceramic toilet, it explodes. BANG! SPLASH!

Relief. Pleasure.

Need I say more? We have all been there. I know it, you know it.