Anger Report, Pt. 1

Hey there, my Good Ol' Three Faithful Readers.

Usually I try to "cook up" my posts; I do this in one of two ways: either something amazing, odd or simply weird happens in my life to which I then proceed to find a deeper, philosophical meaning to my existance - like the case of "Sharing" - or I have a very amazing, odd or simply weird idea that has some philosophical meaning to my existance and then I proceed to invent or look for a previous experience to which exemplify my idea. Hence, more often than not, it takes time for me to cook up a post because either I have a hard time having a good philosophical idea or because my life becomes dull and nothing happens.

But it so happens lately that, as you have seen by yesterday's post, nothing good appears to occur. It is just one constant emotion fed by day to day activities that goes like this: I wake up as rested as I can. Then something crappy happens. I get angry. Then something crappy happens. I get more angry. Then something crappy happens. I get even more angry. Then I crap. I get a little relaxed. Then something crappy happens. I get angry again. Then someth- ... ad infinitum... you get the idea.

So in the current state than nothing of note actually happens, I shall begin an Anger Report. What is this? Heck if I know, I just had the idea to call it that and maybe express all the events that happen day to day that just feed up my Anger Sphere. Some would say this is actually therapeutic. I say I simply have to vent myself. And since you are not helping, maybe the senseless and stupid act of "talking" to a lifeless being such as the computer can do your job.

Now, for your total and voyeuristic pleasure my Good Ol' Three Faithful Readers, Anger Report Part 1!

Today began as what appeared to be a good day. You do not know it since I lost my draft, but I am currently doing social service as a museum guide for hordes of little monsters. Namely: kids ranging from Pre-School to 7th Grade. Over the time I have discovered that I enjoy guiding little children from Pre-School and as they are more grown up I have a hard time guiding them. Alas! Today I had a group of 6 Pre-Schoolers. The sun was smiling on me today.

Not.

I get back to My Four Walls, pick up Daisy, and go to the library to do teamwork. Teamwork on a class that utterly hate and find totally useless... not to my surprise the rest of my team has actually done nothing on the job at hand. Great. At that same time I receive and eMail from another team stating that I have an obligatory meeting at that very moment. Since the laws of physics still will not allow matter to be at the same time in two different places -at least, not modern physics-, I obviously do not go to the meeting. Moments later I receive another eMail from the team saying that they will go talk to the teacher so he flunks me.

I do not know if, at the beginning of the semester, I made my point clear or not to that specific team but I do remember saying this in fron of the class' teacher: "I do not have much time this semester. I would prefer not to have meetings and that you send me what I have to do via eMail; do not worry, I will pull it off." And you see, for two years this system of "Do what you have to do by the time you have to do it and don't care about how or when they do it" has worked perfectly for me and all my teammates in previous classes. Besides, the meeting usually consist of five minutes to give each member a certain job to do and then the meetings are adjourned.

Suffice it to say that I, very politely as I could, sent an eMail to my team and the teacher stating my case. I still have no answer, but I made sure to carry my point across. I finished my current meeting and off I go to my new play's rehearsal. Which is more like a concentration camp.

Do not get me wrong: I like theater. A lot. There is nothing I enjoy more than taking a dump when I have diarrhea, but just below that there's theater. The feeling of being on-stage is awesome, unmatched. I literally undo myself just to have the opportunity to shine. But this semester the play has become more like torture. Atmosphere running dense; everybody is stressed out; people have done many personal sacrifices to be there; undiscipline by most company members; and a completely de-humanized producer without minimal a sense of human tact.

Just for this once theater really has become a time and sould consuming activity; my mistake this time; and I wanted it. But I have already talked about this in the previous post titled "Timmy Likes It!" So I take Daisy to my rehearsals to surf the Internet, code a mathemathics library I'm programming to learn C# and do school related work. Normally I would support the notion that we are all a team and must support each other to make the final play a succes. Under the current circumstances I personally do not care about the rest of the company -they could suddenly implode, spontanously combust or be a bunch of novice actors-; I am going to do my part, I know I do it above decent and that is about all I could care about.

Now, see here, the fact that there's a bunch of novice actors does not mean they do badly... though most do... but there are some experienced actors in there doing a very, very good job -even better than mine- and other novice actors have shown to have what it takes given the right instruction. But that doesn't save the whole company from the ones that completely drag. Honestly, were I the audience, I would either sleep or walk away at the performance. Except, of course, for my acting.

Yeah. Those last statements are very rude. But I do not care because I am angry; and when I am angry I am uncaring about other people; when I am angry I am more incisive about my comments and I will gladly put my finger on the bleeding cut with premeditation. But mostly, I say it because it is actually true.

Even if it is a hard pill to swallow as the truth often is.

The Bubble

Hello.

Much has happened in this time my Ol' Three Faithful Readers. I actually wrote around three blogs but later had to reformat my computer and I, being the absent minded person that I am, forgot to back them up as well as other stuff... meh... it is not like it has not happened before... many times.

Have my fans seen 40 Year Old Virgin already? Do not worry, you do not need to have seen it to understand this post. Suffice it to say that there, our 40 year old virgin, is mainly a geek; a well intentioned, well mannered guy. For the sake of simplicity I will steer away from all the "Women like bad boys" / "Nice guys finish last" type of post. The interesting thing here is that there are only two moments in the whole movie when they actually make our good old, modern time sexual hero, Andy, really angry. He hears up in this special mood and attitude that without saying a single word just oozes that extreme angerly vibe that inspires fear in the poor souls that gaze upon him. Just like that, Andy walks down an avenue not even glancing to see the cars passing by. As if by an act of the Powers That Be, no car runs him over, and the only car in a direct trajectory to run him over stops right there and then. From personal experience I know this actually happens.

I even have a name for it: "Emotion/Anger Sphere."

For those of you who know something about theater, you might have read about Stan's Affective Memory schitt and how one can proyect a certain emotion and attitude without saying a word; just by the way one walks, the way one stares at thing, the tone of the voice; the whole self. I believe all these things create a sphere around the person that people are able to perceive; and if the emotion is too strong, it can actually turn into a reality altering aura that not only affects the angry person but those around him. And sometimes the emotion, the anger, is so strong that other people stop in their tracks because they know they should not mess with the subject lest he explodes into rage.

Some unlucky, or lucky souls, have had the opportunity to have seen me in one such moment at different points in my life. Usually I call it a "Yearly Period" that I have around Easter - because all that love cannot be right. Normally it is just once a year. But this time... it seems it is here to stay. Lately I find myself inside my Emotion/Anger Sphere way to often; at times I go for several days straight inside that bubble waiting to burst. Not some minutes ago I crossed the street to get a hot dog from the convenience store across the street. In complete disregard for my well-being I crossed the street without looking; I kid you not, the cars seemed to go around me as if I had a protective shell.

Obviosly this "Emotion Sphere" is that, an emotion. Just as that emotion can be anger it can easily be happyness or whatever. But usually people, jealous, envious and egocentrical little pigs that we humans beings are, will burst other people's positive emotion spheres. And just like that stay away from bursting negative emotion spheres for the sake of their own well-being.

And well, honestly, I am waiting to burst. I really am just waiting for the wrong person to burst that bubble and unleash all those emotions bottled up on this poor soul without remorse and total abandon of any moral, ethical and political restrains until I, jealous, envious and egocentrical little pig of a human being that I am, feels so good and satisfied with my brethen's suffering. No. No, it should not be like that. One should always have people, friends, boy/girlfriends, family, whatever you want to call it, around to help you vent those things from time to time; to hold you; to cry upon; to talk with; to have fun with; to support you before that bubble becomes unmeasurable. Ah yes, would that not be nice?

As for me... well... you are not helping.