Tickles!

BAH!
 
I skipped my own schedule because... *tries to find a suitable excuse* ... yeah.
 
There I was in a day with nothing to do, my ever trustful bag of Doritos and 2L. bottle of Coke laying empty by my side as the air was filled with the harmonic waves of Joe Satriani and John Petrucci lifting my soul to new heights of spiritual ecstasy. Just as my body was shutting itself off from any recognition of the events happening around me, detaching my soul from my self in a pseudo-orgamiscal experience, I have a mystical realization brought to me courtesy of my new Nokia 3220. The God of Lighting is in the same state of extreme boredom that some would even dare to call Zen, and he invites me over to his humble abode to blast some baddies, watch movies or just whatever. It does not really matter as long as we sit down on his new poffs and listen to the sweet scultural rhythms of his new Home Theater. You know, the kind of techonlogical wonders only men's mind are set to fully understand beyond the physical plane.
 
Of course, I agreed.
 
I say goodbye to my good friends playing caressing my ears through my speakers and turn the button off, take my keys and move in a hectic frenzy towards my car in the desire of a better, shinier day and to shunner away from oblivion. To make my trip more joyful I turn on my radio to those 80's tunes I love to hate so much but I have become used to. I make a stop to buy a new bag of Doritos and two 2L. bottles of Coke. Not one, not three, but two since I am a good fellow and I know I will share my bounty with The God of Lighting.
 
Not to soon neither too late I arrive there. The Queen of Snow is out for the time being, so we males can have the whole place to do whatever we desire in what, at least for some hours, will become our lair of perdition. The God of Lighting orders me to sit on a poff and listen to his new speakers. Non gallantly I let my body fall on a poff and let the little beans inside mold agains my body, almost comforting me. I am so relaxed, my eyes closed and my body against the soft fabric of the poff, that even my ears begin to hear the faint noise of rain falling down.
 
Suddenly, I realize I actually am hearing rain falling down. Rapidly my mind remembers it was a very sunny trip to The God of Lighting's lair; so sunny I even had to put my car's air conditioning to a power of 4 out of 5. Confused I stand up from the poff and walk towards the window. Sunny, no rain. What the hell, I ask myself. Then I hear familiar tunes. The Doors. Riders on the Storm. Perplexed I turn around to look at The God of Lighting, who's standing with two glasses of ice cold coke in his hand and the Doritos emptied on a plastic bowl and a grin on his face that goes from side to side.
 
Amazing audio indeed.
 
I almost feel the bullets breeze by my ears, the cars exploding almost feel like my own car in the parking lot and music really make my guts vibrate. But none of that really matters. None of that was as significant an experience as what happened with my Coke. From that moment onward, my life completely changed. My comprehension, admiration and point of view of things around me completely changed. I think not even the Pope himself could have such a significant impact on my human soul and nature.
 
It was the bubbles.
 
You see, The God of Lighting had a floor flan on his playing den; it so happend that the little table holding our hyper charged junk food stood in front of such fan. After taking my glass of Coke, we take to sit each of our hairy buttocks on our respective poffs as we prepare to take on some baddies. I lay my glass of Coke beside me, but I am warned by The God of Lighting of just how hazardous that action actually is, so I turn and put the glass on the table in front of us.
 
We push on and start blasting our way through horde after horde of evil thugs trying to kill us in this un-popular, co-operative game called Halo that most have not heard anything about. Just in the middle of a firefight I feel something fall against my face, tickling. I brush it off as nothing and continue pressing my shotgun's barrel down the throat of un-worthy of living Flood monsters with frantic eyes. Then there it is again, something fell against my face and tickled once more. Again and again. I realized what it was.
 
I dropped the controller by my side completely forgetting about the mayhem and destruction going on in that virtual world of video games as The God of Lighthing was torn to shred by a Hunter. After realizing two minutes later that he has turned into a one man army against the enemy he turns to me almost in anger, but is stopped short of shouting "What the Hell?" when he sees my face of total, complete and extreme joy; a peaceful smile of satisfaction runs through my eye-closed face and for some small moments that seemed like an eternity to me I am a small baby rediscovering the world once more. He asks me what's going on.
 
"It's the Coke's bubbles, man. The fan blows them to my face. They tickle."
 
Yes. It is stupid. Meaningless. Mundane. But it is those very small and insignificant moments that really mean something to our souls and fill our spirit once again with energies to go on. We taste immoratality and godliness. They are different for everyone. They range from sticking your head out of a car's window, against all sanity, just to feel the air running through your hair; to the feeling of realization as a climber stands a top a rocky mountain, arms stretched and head up to the heavens; to sticking your nude feet in a water pond by the forest in a starry night.
 
Or Coke bubbles tickling your face.

Where am I?

Salutations my Ol' Three Faithful Readers!
 
As I had my Doritos and a 2L bottle of Coke while contemplating into my own soul I realized that promising to make dialy posts is a heavy toll on me based on two basic problems: I run out of ideas and... how should I put it... *shakes fist* BAH! I won't beat around the bush, because I get lazy. So I make a promise to start making my posts on Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays. Of course, if there ever is something of great cosmic significance worth writing about during any of the other days, I will promptly do so. For now I shall leave it at an MWF schedule.
 
In other news! A few days ago I was speaking over my cellphone with the Pretty Audio Assistant when the phone's connection dropped off. Obviously this upset me very much to the point of yelling random insults at fellow drivers - driving and speaking through the cellphone... not a recommended activity. Aside from the fact I was talking to Her - and no one can deny the delicacies of having a conversation with such a Pretty Girl -; the fact that I can barely make a call from my cell without it losing its signal is completely annoying. Yeah yeah, I know I have dropped it quite a few times against the cold, hard pavement; so... yeah, maybe it actually is my fault...
 
No wait, it is not. They should make more resistant phones for today's fast, active and extreme activities we humans must endure. I even think it is a merketing ploy if you ask me: make electronic devices more prone to damage when they fall hence increasing sales because stupid people like myself have to buy new devices quite often. But since you did not ask me, I won't say it.
 
Needless to say, after breaking the Pretty Audio Assistant's heart and being scolded for "hanging up on her," I decided against my all my will to buy a new cell that actually works. Why against my will you humbly ask? That is an easy one to answer: I hate being locatable. I like my privacy. From time to time I like to go to a quiet place with no one but my own intimacy, my thoughts and an ice cold Coke. People lived centuries without mobile phones, so I do not think me turning off my cell will be an universe altering event. I know your reply: "What if there is a problem at *insert random place here*? How can we contact you?" Simple. You do not.
 
Unless I want to be found.
 
Let me tell you a short story - thought nothing is short in this blog - about a boy... or girl, whatever pleases your perverted mind, who suddenly has a surge of diarrhea - no relation to me - and has to run to the bathroom. Chaos ensures. Toxic gases fill the air. Roaring explosions take place in that safe piece of heaven known as toilet. Suddenly there is a small vibration in this person's pants accompanied by a ring tone. At first there's confusion; maybe it was not actually the cell ringing but an aftershock of such liquid, belly-quaking activities. After the pocket vibrates a second time and the ringing raises its volume comes disbelief; when our jolly hero thinks that such situation is not actually taking place for it is the kind of thing that only happens in movies and not in real life. There is a brief pause followed by a deafening silence that lasts for what seems an eternity as our protagonist holds his posterior cheeks together in fear. Silence... nothing...
 
Third ring, the volume now at full throttle piercing through the eardrums of every person standing 20 feet from the toilet; the vibration now almost makes a hole through the pant's pocket. Our hero realizes it is actually happening. With a sudden and new found rush of adrenaline he/she had not felt since the race against time to reach the toilet before horrors took place in his/her posterior behind, the person reaches for the cell in the pocket. The fourth vibration almost tears the phone off the hero's hand, but he/she is able to finally grasp it and answers it. Here's the conversation that follows:
 
Hero.- (Reluctant) "Hello?"
 
Random person.- "Hey there! I'm having a problem with my homework, I was wondering if you could help me with..."
 
*fart and splashing sounds*
 
RP.- "... are you... uuuh... busy?"
 
H.- "..." (Dies of embarrassment)
 
'Nuff said. So forgive the World's Biggest Asshole if his cellphone is off. Maybe you did not want to know where I am.