Of Healing...

It has recently come to my attention, my Ol' Three Faithful Readers, that "time heals all wounds."

 

If this were actually a movie, what you would see is a man on the ground convulsing with pain and foamy saliva expelling from his nostrils as we fade to black. As a melodramatic effect birds and sounds of nature would come out of the THX-Certified Surround Sound Audio System as the screen slowly fades into a very pintoresque imagery of the country side being bathed with sunlight as a jolly butterfly moves from one flower to the other. Cut to the same man we saw in excrusiating pain waking up in a bed, all patched up; slowly he would pick up himself from the bed and walk towards the terrace to enjoy the fresh morning air.

 

If this were my movie, this is the part where a bear would come out of nowhere and tear him to bits. Fortunately it is not.

 

Actually this is about what I found to be the cure to healing all kinds of wounds: scratches, sores, broken bones, headaches, emotional scars, spiritual pain and yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, even broken hearts. It can cure almost any ailment thrown at a human being. Treatment may vary from person to person but the results are 100% guaranteed or we give you your disease back free of charge. This magical cure is: sleep. Because sleep takes time which in turn heals all wounds.

 

Sleep has many positive effects on human beings. One of them for example is homeostasis; do not look so bewildered, I will tell you what it is. Homeostasis is the process by which we try to maintain a constant level or flow of something in our bodies. Say, keeping our body regulated at a constant temperature of 98.6F. Sleep helps keep all homeostatical needs - I just invented that term - stable in our bodies.

 

Others say it is during this period of sleep when we permanently learn or discard all the information that we stored in our brains during the day - in a manner similar to RAM on a computer. Further studies show that our brain repairs itself while we sleep. And behavioral scientists have concluded that sleep is an activity designed to bring together sexual mates everynight, therefore increasing the time they spend together further allowing to be involved in sexual activities to reproduce the species. Wow, sleep is good.

 

Now, you may be asking yourself how you can obtain this magial cure. It is easy! Because sleeping is a homeostasical activity in itself we need a certain amount of time dedicated to sleep. It is free! But if for some reason you are having trouble sleeping then I will share with you another magical recipe: Tylenol PM.

 

You read right Ladies and Gentlemen; nothing can cure broken hearts, emotional scars or hurt prides better than two, not one, not three, but two pills of Tylenol PM as indicated in the container's label. Unless of course, you are a big person like me then I fully authorize you to actually take three of them to fall fast asleep. If you actually need to be taken down like a rapid animal you can try four, but that depends a lot in your metabolism. Case in point: if you have a body complexion similar to The God of Lighting's - which should be read as barely having a body complexion at all -, then I would never, ever suggest taking more than two unless you are willing to risk sleeping forever; something I really would not recommend.

 

So there you have it! Solve your problems with a good night's sleep. And if the Sandman refuses to visit you with his "magic sleeping powder" made from the living flesh and blood of happy-go-lucky fairies, you can always try Tylenol PM like I did yesterday. I was completely taken out like a rock with four of the damn little buggers. BAM! Did not know what hit me.

 

But wait! If you call right now we will give you a free month's sample of Pepto Bismol, to keep things tidy in your belly. This way you can prevent any explosive activities in your colon while paying a hard, cold visit to Neverland. Aaah. Tylenol PM and Pepto Bismol... a match made in heaven.

 

Thank you Tylenol PM!