Huggable Teddy

Another play came and went.

The group was taken to a National Theater Festival in another city. Personally I cannot find something "national" about the event since only four cities participated in it. Nevertheless, there we were; it all went smooth, I liked the experience though we were treated like little kids. At least dessert on the buffets was yummy.

We barely set foot back on our city when I and Carrot Head had a rehearsal for another play. If I must be honest, I was falling asleep; my mind, bones and flesh were tired from the journey. And let me tell you that sleeping four hours on a bus' seat is the equivalent of sleeping minus four hours on your bed. Not even a contorsionist could sleep comfortably on such conditions. But I, along with the whole group survived... though maybe a part of me wished some had not, hehehe :D

But today I am angry. Maybe disturbed is the word that best describes my feelings. You see, I'm what you would consider fat. Or at least I was. Not obese, but yeah, a little overweight. Yet, ever since last semester people have been telling me I look thinner; hell! I feel thinner. Which would be good, right?

Wrong!

Last month I bought a new belt because my pants were falling down and I feel unprotected, almost naked without my belt. And now even with the new belt my pants keep falling down! There is nothing I can do now to solve this problem except, maybe, grow fatter again! Obviously I'm against that particular idea so the other option is to get new jeans.

This worries me in several levels. First and foremost, changing my clothing is expensive. It is not like I can go about changing all my clothes each month. Just as there are certain documented standard procedures to follow in a company to achieve a certain degree of process maturity, we also have to create standard procedures in our everyday life to obtain discipline.

See here, I always wear Levi's. Ever since I have memory I have worn Levi's and I will always wear Levi's to my grave. Hell! Bury me with Levi's. And when it comes to dressing formally I always choose Dockers and nothing more; either khaki, dark blue or black Dockers; I will not accept nothing else. If you keep looking at my clothes, you will find that they all follow more or less the same patterns: blues, red and blacks. Most have a polo look to them, and if they are not like that then they are hawaiian style shirts. My shoes? Yep, they are all similar. I have even bought the same model for three years; the same exact model.

And this helps a lot in everyday life. Just recently I had to find a black pair of pants for a play. The Mom Away From Home and some other friends came along to help me find them. Well, it took me less than 5 minutes to find and buy the pants. Just as we came inside the mall I found a Dockers store; went in, found the color I was looking for, found my size, paid at the cashier, done. That is the reason I always wear the same brand, because I know exactly what model of Levi's I use and exactly what size fits like a glove. I know exactly what kind of colors look okay on me and what kind of shirts make me look nice. Instead of spending precious time deciding what I will wear like most people do, I just take my pair of Levi's and a random shirt.

Since I began to get thinner, the standards have changed; whenever I go to a store I have to go inside the fitting room to see what size fits me okay now. Besides being a complete waste of time, the idea that I might be trying the same clothes a hairy, sweaty, smelly man tried just minutes before me is... well... not appealing.

Then comes the stretch marks. Once upon a time I was a slim boy, then I grew fat, then I got thin again, then I got a little fat afterwards. Then fatter. Then came my football year and I grew (or un-grew) thin. Guess how I got after that? Yes, a little overweight. After that left my home to study in another school and, with no parents to take care of my well-being, I grew fat. And now I'm going thinner. You can only imagine the stretch marks on my belly... or maybe you do not want to... serve yourself.

More importantly, I was talking the other day with my Mom Away From Home about relationships and the such. She came up with a very interesting point that had something to do with women wanting a man to be their own personal teddy bear to hug. And what makes a teddy bear huggable? It's chubbyness! So I'm angry because if I lose my chubbyness I won't be huggable anymore.

And I want to be a Huggable Teddy!