Timmy, or The Horror

So, yeah. The contest came and went. How did it go?

Well, it was horrible. Part of my staff did not show up, which complicated both getting all utilities to the theater as well as moving them into the stage; not to mention time that could have been used to rehearse or prepare.

At first I was worried because my staff was not complete, but then my turn came and we had to make do. We went up the stage and had 1 minute to set the stage. It was not a minute really, more like the time the presenter took to read the curriculum of one of the jury members. Unfortunately for me the curriculum of the juror that came in my place was... well... small and simple compared to others who took about 3/4 minutes to read hence giving the production more time to set things up.

But hey, all utilities are in their place, ready to be taken on stage, right? Wrong. Moving the bed to the stage was problematic, since the only staff I had were women (the male part of my staff was the missing part). But it finally got there. I went to take my place and lo and behold! The table we were going to use was not there! So the girl in charge of placing the stuff on stage comes to me and says: "There's no table!"

I think to myself: I only need the teddy bear (Timmy) to be in his position, to hell with the table. I can make do without table or bed or nothing, I only need the bear to be in his place. So I tell her that: "Is Timmy on his place?" And she answers: "No, there's no table." I stop to think... Timmy was not supposed to be on the table... so I reply: "Don't worry about the table. Is Timmy in the front of the stage where marked?" And she almost yells at me: "I told you there's no table!" I almost explode, but calm my senses: "Okay... see, just put Timmy in his place *right here she begins to say something, but I interrupt her* SHHH! Just put Timmy in the front of the stage where the taped X is!" And she does just that.

So, although it seemed an eternity, it really did not take a minute. I guess it was more like 40 seconds. But the presenter had already finished with the curriculum of the juror... so the silence was deafening. I hurry up stage to begin my monologue, and boom! The ilumination came on late. Hey, I can't blame the God of Lighting because I had already taken so much time, I bet I came out unexpectedly to the stage.

I begin my monologue, with my mind somewhere else. Everything that was supposed to be at the table is in the bed... I didn't have time to concentrate... the audience was somewhat reluctant... I just wasn't there. Cold. Dead. Just saying my lines. Not sure about what I was doing. Just horrible.

Of course, little by little I begin to warm up, and somewhere along the middle of the mologue I'm on full throttle. But maybe too little too late. The monologue ends, there's an explosion of applause but I don't listen; all my head is telling me is: "Everything went to hell and back... crap..."

Half-staff and me take all utility off the stage. Defeated I stood in shock for a minute and head back to my seat. I swear to The Powers That Be that I felt so low, I wanted to cry right there at that moment. Just hours ago... nay... minutes ago I was so sure I would win. And now I was so sure it had all gone to poop. And with each of the contending monologues obtaining more applause, more screams, more laughs and more cheers; a sour tear did roll out of my right eye. Long story short, I did not win... ... first place...

... instead I got second place.

Oh yeah man, I did scream out in joy when the results came. I was not expecting anything, I was expecting defeat and the great void of things that coulda-woulda-shoulda been but were not. My trembling and excited hands took the price, and a smile crossed my face from side to side. I took a prize home.

Moments later I was mad, because I knew that I coulda-woulda-shoulda gotten first place if all the mistakes had not happened, if I had enter the stage more prepared, more rehearsed, more in tune. Red with anger because I had so eloquently said before: "Second place is the first loser" only put the hangman's noose around my own neck. Nothing makes me feel more of a loser than knowing I was there, knowing I'm a close second, knowing people will remember me as "good but not good enough."

But then, I realized something. Everything had come out wrong. The utility, my acting, timing... everything had been wrong! And yet, I took second place. What can this mean? It means that when tides are moving against me, I still have it in me to go back and fight. I means others should thank me for making mistakes. It means that I'm the best of the losers.

But most importantly: it means I'm so good that even when I'm bad, I'm still good.

Just as an extra after-thought: You are only as good as those around you. Thanks to you all who helped me: The Whip Wearing Director for pushing me, The God of Lighting up above, The Go Lucky Girl putting Timmy in his place and The Creepy Nurse doing only God-knows-what that the audience loved. And thanks to all of you who supported me! :D